I did it. I put together a job listing and posted it online, in search of the artist who will put a cover to my book. It was hard to write—hard to decide how much or how little to put into the initial listing, hard to make myself hit the post button. This is entirely outside my comfort zone. I’ve tried to find freelancing work before; I’ve been on the other side of the proposals. It was horrible and completely unsuccessful for me. I didn’t find a single job and didn’t have the fortitude to keep sending out proposals until someone gave me a chance. Now I’m the one who has to review the proposals and decide who to hire. I have 23 proposals sitting there, waiting for me to review them, and I’m too nervous to open any of them.
I’m not entirely sure why I’m so nervous. I’m in the position of power here; I’m the one who decides who gets the job. I’m not going to get rejected. But I still get that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when I start thinking about looking through them. Maybe it’s the fear of choosing incorrectly. Maybe it’s just that I’ve never done this before, and I don’t know the protocols.
Tonight, I will sit down with my husband and review proposals and portfolios. Hopefully one of them will have the perfect style. And hopefully I don’t have a heart attack in the process.
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